The Demon has many forms. You must know them all. Most Demons are the embodiment of negative influences, and as such, they are often perceived as beings of horrific appearance. One should be cautious, however, and never make the mistake that I made. Not all Demons come in horrible shape. Their destructive power, however, remains unchanged. One should be wary of the seductive power of Pleasure. My pleasure nearly destroyed me, for it had slowly turned into a Demon that held me in a vice-like grip. It had become a personal Demon that would torment me for a long, long time.
The following text is an account of a series of events that took place long before I had any involvement in the Necronomicon Tradition, or the occult in general, for that matter. It will take the reader on a journey that leads through an important, yet, painful period of my life. I like to think of that period as a necessary evil that I had to experience, as all these events have ultimately guided me to were I am now- The Ishtar Gate.
It all began some fourtheen years ago. Up until then, I had lived an enjoyable life, being the first son of good parents. All was well, and it became even better when I met the love of my life.We seemed to be made for each other, and not long after we first met, we started an intense and very close relationship. After a few years of enjoying each others company, she had become my sole purpose of existence. God, how I loved her! But my world was about to be shattered… And a series of events was set into motion that would completely break me down. It made me take a good look at myself, and I realised that, maybe, I had deserved all that misery. I was still under the impression that I had a solid relationship, when the following happened.
A very close friend of mine informed me that he had learned of a very delicate matter, the outcome of which, so he said, might be devastating. He had thought long and hard about his decision of sharing with me the evil he had exposed. He knew of my great love for this girl and knew fully well that the news he was about to deliver would rip out my heart, and could possibly even cost him our friendship. He made his decision based on our sense of loyalty. Were we grew up, the sense of loyalty is highly valued among friends, as most of us often found in each other what they couldn’t find in their own families. Loyalty to each other precedes all other matters, sometimes at the cost of one’s self. Since we adhere to the same values he knew that I’d rather be destroyed by his message, thus maintaining the integrity of our loyalty towards each other, than that he kept silent and we would have become shallow friends that keep secrets from each other that shouldn’t be kept.
Anxious to learn of the news he had, I pressed him to tell what was on his mind, but from his reaction I knew that it must be grave news indeed, as he would only tell it in person. Looking back on it I should have realised what was going on, as there certainly had been signs that the girl I practically worshipped, was taking advantage of my blinding love for her. Love blinds as easily, as one would poke a dagger in one’s eyes.
Blinded by love, her deception went unnoticed. My dear friendhowever, wasn’t fooled that easily.He told me of his suspicions and explained why he had these suspicions in the first place. He opened my eyes. He explained how he had discovered that my girl made a fool of me by cheating on me with a guy that I counted as a friend, due to the fact that we hung with the same crew. To test her loyalty towards me, he had confronted her with his suspicions. She denied them of course. He gave her a choice, either she told me herself, or he was going to do it for her and thereby receiving the burden of what she had created by being unfaithful. Her answer confirmed his suspicions that she was lying, because she told him that she feared how I would react to such news.
A few days went by, but no effort was made by her to come clean with me. Not relishing the prospect of his task, he knew that he was going to be the one that would have to act. He had nothing that could prove without a doubt that his suspicions were correct, except his word. After being such close friends for all those years I knew that his word was enough. I was broken…
I confronted her with what I had learned, and still she kept denying the truth, but she did want to end our relationship. I was devastated and felt doubly betrayed by her for with-holding the truth. I needed to hear her say it, but she left me confused and alone. There was only one way to get the answers I needed. I had to seek out and confront this so called “friend”. This person seemed suddenly very keen on avoiding me, the reason for that being, without a doubt, my reputation of solving certain matters through the use of violent force. Having passionately practiced the beautiful art of “Ashihara” or “Japanese streetfighting” for many years, most people knew that it was best to avoid situations wherein one would find himself on the receiving-end of this bloody business. Unfortunately, the use of violence is a necessary evil that should be used in situations when an act is committed that deserves punishment, and which can’t be solved by the laws and regulations of society. The act of betrayal can be solved in court in some cases, but the concept of Love can’t be measured and therefore the means of exacting punishment can’t be obtained by adhering to the rules of society. In my opinion one of Man’s great flaws is Its inability to match certain emotions to the experiences of the physical world. Each one of us understands Love, but the troubles start when one’s understanding can’t be united with the reality of the situation one experiences. The danger occurs when that individual loses control and acts on the urge to lash out in blind rage. Many a crime of passion has been committed because of this.
That the act of betrayal causes such extreme behaviour speaks for itself. It is an indication of the measure of evil that such an act contains. An act of betrayal can never be considered to be a positive thing, for the very meaning of such an act can only be understood as something that is negative. Cheating on your partner, or significant other, is an act of betrayal, and all such forms of deception can be considered to be acts of treason. In many countries the very act of treason still warrants a capital punishment. People that commit such acts, lack a proper sense of honor and selfrespect. Such persons should be shunned, for they can never be trusted, and should be considered one of the lowest forms of Man. They should be placed amongst snitches, child-molesters, and such people as con-artists who swindle gullible people out of their life-savings.
The following comes from a work of Dante, and is a nice example of the author’s opinion on the act of betrayal.
“But I, in truth, have been once here before:
that savage witch Erichte, she who called the shades back to their bodies, summoned me.
My flesh had not been long stripped off when she had me descend through all the rings of Hell,
to draw a spirit back from the Betrayer’s circle.
That is the deepest and the darkest place,
the farthest from the heaven girds all:
so rest assured, I know the pathway all.”
Being the victim of such an evil act, wherein one is deceived on purpose by both the partner of the victim, and a third person with the sole intent to bring pleasure to the deceivers, at the cost of great pain to the person being deceived, left me with two paths to choose from. The first path is the Path of the Weak. A poor choice, as the only benefit gained from taking this path is the lack of collateral damage (lawsuits, paying damages,etc.). This path would be the choice of people who react to such wrong-doings in the manner dictated to them by society. Since the act of cheating can’t be resolved in court, unless there is some kind of binding agreement, like a marriage, one is left empty-handed, and has to deal with the loss and pain on one’s own. No sense of justice is obtained in this manner, and while some may be able to handle the damage of such a foul act, many others are so greatly affected by these evil deeds, that they will never be the person they were before. I am one of those people.
I chose to take the second path, which is the Path of the Strong. This choice can have a number of different outcomes, none of them particularly appealing. Though, by taking this path, one achieves an important goal. One exacts punishment for a deed that is evil and destructive, and thereby, the person restores some balance to the equilibrium of the mind, which is severely disrupted by the act committed against that person. This path is also the obvious choice for people who seek to carve out their own destiny, regardless of what society dictates. When the laws of society fail, one can still undertake action when one is willing to pay the price. However, one should carefully consider one’s actions. Retaliation against the source of one’s pain should only be undertaken when one is certain that the perpetrator has wilfully deceived that person, and thereby gained pleasure by causing pain. If no action is undertaken against such deception, one will become unbalanced, and will suffer great loss of confidence. That shift in balance needs to be restored. This means that the pleasure (positive experience) gained by the deceiver, has to become pain (negative experience). This effectively puts a stop to the mental nourishment or satisfaction, that the deceiver would otherwise gain from remembering his evil act, which isn’t evil in the eyes of the deceiver, as to him the experience is of a positive nature.
After discussing the situation with some of my peers, we agreed that the best course of action was, for me, to confront this unthrustworthy individual. By doing so, I gave him the opportunity to explain himself first, before I would start throwing punches. So, I straight up asked him if the rumours that I had heard were correct. He readily admitted that there had been something going on between them. From the way he reacted, and the manner he carried himself, while in my presence, I could tell that he was either very stupid, or he was convinced that I wouldn’t be a threat to him. A very big mistake! I reacted swiftly with a devastating attack, that I had learned from my Sensei, who had been my master for many years. It was a simple attack that only had to be delivered once, when placed correctly. It is performed when the target is close by, and consists of one single action, whereby the target is smashed full in the face by the skull of the attacker. One delivers a head-butt, that is not placed on the target’s nose, but somewhat lower. The effect was marvelous, it did exactly what my Sensei had taught me. Teeth flew through the air, and blood started to flow in copious amounts. My target couldn’t stay on his feet and had to hold himself upright by grabbing a lamp-post. My rage almost consumed me, and I moved in to finish the job, but the whole spectacle had been watched by my friends as well as his, and they stepped in between, as they had been observing the pool of blood that was forming on the pavement. His friends checked him out and were horrified by the fact that he had no front teeth anymore. They were wiser than he had been, as they started searching for the lost teeth, not one of them dared to attack. Some looked even a bit pale, probably shaken up by the sight of the target’s mouth and the amount of blood that kept pouring out of him. His blood was a just payment for the evil act that he had committed against me. His memory of the pleasure he had with my traitorous girlfriend would never be the same. My girlfriend had committed the same act of betrayal, but had the luck that she was a woman. Using violence against a woman is a vile and dishonorable act, no matter how traitorous or unthrustworthy she has been. Justice had been done. Now I only had to wait for the cops to come and arrest me, while my target was being rushed to a hospital. I had already contemplated the possibility that I could end up in jail, but I had decided that I didn’t care, as I had already lost my love. Next day I was asked to turn myself in and I was questioned about what had happened. I told them why I had committed the crime I was charged with and that I took full responsibility for my actions and that I would accept the punishment that I faced, like a man. Unlike my target, who was not only responsible for destroying my relationship, but he was also being a scared little bitch, who couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions, so he hid himself behind law-enforcement. I had never before been arrested for assault, and because I had nothing to lose I had fully cooperated during my questioning, so I was released, but I did have to go to court. Eventually I was sentenced with sixty hours community service, and had to pay some damages.
While I was satisfied with the action I had taken, I had a very hard time coming to terms with all that had transpired. My sense of loss and sadness was so great, that it felt like part of me had died. I became unstable and gloomy. I began roaming the cities on my own, day and night. I became completely disturbed, and I had truly become a lost soul. There were times when I contemplated suicide, but that would have been an act of cowardice, so that wasn’t an option. However, I had to do something, as I couldn’t go on the way I did.
I found a solution for my problem. Or so I thought… It would destroy a whole decade of my life. At first, it brought great pleasure, and made me forget my misery, but I had struck a bargain with the devil, for the sort of pleasure that I consumed is a form of the “possessive demon”, that once contracted, is extremely hard to dislodge. Most people who have suffered the grip of this destructive force will never be completely healed, and those that do manage to break free are forever changed.
I won’t go any further into detail about those years, as the reader can easily imagine that I found myself in a hell, that I had created myself. When I finally managed to gain some control over my affliction, it was already to late. Damage had been done… The bond with my family had been so severely damaged, that I was forced to leave. This all happened while I was recovering from my affliction, and I was still weak. I moved to another town, but lacked the proper means of supporting myself. The stress this caused made the Demon return in full force. I began to realise, that, in order to beat the demon, I would have to find a purpose in life. One that would change me as a person. If I could affect a transformation of who and what I were, then I could be made whole again. Salvation came in the form of a Calling- The Necronomicon Calling.
This was an interesting development, as I had tried to answer Its calling numerous times during my life. When I was a child, I discovered a box filled with books. It were my father’s books, that had long been forgotten. I was very intrigued, as they were books on various occult subject, books of the dead from various cultures, etc. My dad noticed my interest, and he told me about a certain book. Little did I know, that this book was to become my destiny. He told me that it was said, there existed a tome of great power, and it was called “NECRONOMICON”.
The very name of that book brought all kinds of images into my mind. I saw myself discovering such a tome in dusty libraries. I saw myself becoming a powerful magician. I saw myself commanding the dead, and all kinds of monstrous forms. Of course, I was still a child, with the imagination that comes along with being a child. Still, having had a fascination for the mysterious and the morbid from a young age, I was so intrigued by the name of this book, that I promised myself that I would one day hold such a book, if it ever existed. From that day on, I searched numerous times for the book, but always without succes. The only thing I discovered was that the book had a connection to a guy named Lovecraft, and that it was probably made up. As I grew older, the name sunk into the dark recesses of my mind, at times I would remember it again, which always triggered a new search. In the dark days described above, I completely forgot about the book.
Two years ago, when all was about to go to hell, I was visiting a friend, who had just installed a brand new computer that had an internet connection. I had never had access to such things, and as by magic, the name came into my mind, after having been so long forgotten. I searched for it on the internet, and I couldn’t believe my eyes! It did exist! Part of my childhood dream could be made real! Needless to say, that I immediately placed an order for the book, as well as the Gates, and the Spellbook.
I began practicing, and I realised that this was the purpose I was searching for. I could feel the pull of the Demon was lessening, as I put all my time and effort in studying. I began to build up a library, and my life, slowly, began to improve. All these years I had been neglecting my spiritual development, and I came to realise that this was the reason for my wretched life. It seemed that all the events I described in this text had guided me to the System of Walking the Gates. This greatly appealed to me, yet I lacked understanding. The Gods seemed to smile on my efforts, as I received help in the form of the great Warlock Asylum. He taught me how to perform the Ceremonies correctly. Through my studies, and out of respect for the Dingir I was about to call upon, I was able to effectively cast off the Demon that had plagued me all those years.
Finally, I was ready to Walk the First Gate.
One night I performed the Ritual, but I hadn’t the slightest idea what to expect. While the performing of the Ritual filled me with great joy and awe, I must admit that I was dissapointed at the outcome. I had expected some sign or something, but the only noticeable thing that happened was a sickening feeling that I got. It hit me like a wave, and I almost threw up. I closed the ritual, and I wondered if I had made some mistake. I shouldn’t have worried, because Dingir Nanna had heard my call.
A number of days after I had performed the ritual, I found myself in complete and absolute darkness. I was on the run from something or someone. What it was I don’t know. All I knew was that I had to keep running, or it would be the end of me. As I ran through the darkness, I saw something white becoming visible. I ran towards it, and it appeared to be an opened tome, that hung suspended in the absolute darkness. I felt that the solution of escaping whatever was after me, could be found in its pages. As I looked at the pages, I discovered that they had not a symbol on them, they were a pristine white color. Suddenly I heard a booming voice, that said: “This is the Word, and it means; “Son of God”. On the clear white pages I saw a word forming. As soon as I had read the Word that had formed, I woke up, and felt an overwhelming urge to immediately write it down. I had been granted passage!
Having gained an understanding of how the Dingir communicate, I felt a lot more confident about Walking the Nebo Gate. While I experienced the Gate of Nebo, some beneficial events occured, that had certain connections to this Deity, and I experienced also an incredible urge to write. I spent hours on end copying the book, as well as other information. Often I worked through the whole night, and putting myself to rest only when the sun appeared in the sky in the morning.
Receiving the Second Word took longer than the the First, but it was a beautiful yet frightening experience. This time there was no darkness, instead I found myself in the company of three women. The woman in the middle was slightly taller than the two women who stood on both her flanks. They were completely naked, and they seemed to shine with an unearthly glow. Standing in their presence I felt a great feeling of love. As I stood there, gazing at their beautiful forms, I noticed a few things. The taller woman looked very much like a goddess, and the other two women looked to be her handmaidens, but they may as easily have been one and the same deity. I also noticed that they had never turned towards me, they had stood completely still with their backs pointed towards me. Stunned by their beauty, I suddenly heard a voice pronouncing a name. This Word didn’t need an explanation, as its meaning was obvious. Now the Goddess spoke, and she said: “Follow me!”. Her voice was sweet as honey, yet commanding. Like she was used to being obeyed, and truth be told, how can one not obey such a magnificent being? In the blink of an eye I found myself, still in the company of the women, in a place from my childhood. It was somewhat different than the place that exists in the physical world, as it now contained a warehouse that isn’t there. As I gazed at the warehouse, the Goddess said: “This is for you. A storehouse full of knowledge.” I opened the door, and as I stepped inside I saw stacks upon stacks of ancient tomes and manuscripts. I felt great excitement, and I wanted to ask the Goddess all kinds of questions. I stepped outside and noticed that the three women were gone. I started to panick, as I felt an overwhelming urge to find the Goddess. In my panick I stole a car that stood next to the warehouse, and I quickly drove off. As I did so, I crashed into an oncoming car, and I woke up with the Word resounding in my head. The crashing of the car had been a warning. The meaning of which, was explained to me by Warlock Asylum. It means not to get a big ego from the things that are learned. This is a fitting warning, as this can easily happen to the Magician.
Now that I had received the Second Word, it was time to Walk the Gate of Ishtar. It will be the end of this text, as I am currently residing in this Gate. I haven’t yet received the Word, but I had a very intense experience. She might have been pleased with the gift I offered Her during the Gate-Walking Ceremony, a beautiful white rose that I had handpicked that very night. Her blessing repaired some of the damage that was caused by the “possessive demon”. My affliction had so severely damaged the bond with my parents, that it seemed it would never be fixed again. Many times had I tried to make things right, and while my father showed forgiveness, my mother couldn’t find it in her heart. She couldn’t treat me in a normal manner anymore, even though I tried to make things right. This hurted me very much. She was never able to admit that we were both at fault. This changed in the Ishtar Gate. We had an intense moment in which we cried and then laughed, and suddenly we seemed to have regained an understanding of each other, that I thought was forever lost. I was completely baffeled by the experience, but it became clear that it was the work of the great Goddess Inanna. I gained this understanding as I traveled home that evening. While I gathered my thoughts on what had transpired, a voice whispered in my mind. “INANNA”, it said. It is a great example of the care that this great Goddess shows for her servants.
I would like to end this text by presenting the reader with a beautiful hymn to honor the beautiful Inanna. This hymn comes from the book, Inanna – Queen of Heaven and Earth, Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer. Written by Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Noah Kramer. It can be found on page 93, and is called The Holy Priestess of Heaven.
“I say, “Hail!” to the Holy One who appears in the heavens!
I say, “Hail!” to the Holy Priestess of Heaven!
I say, “Hail!” to Inanna, Great Lady of Heaven!
Holy Torch! You fill the sky with light!
You brighten the day at dawn!
I say, “Hail!” to Inanna, Great Lady of Heaven!
Awesome Lady of the Anunna Gods! Crowned with great horns,
You fill the heavens and earth with light!
I say, “Hail!” to Inanna, First Daughter of the Moon!
Mighty, majestic, and radiant,
You shine brilliantly in the evening,
You brighten the day at dawn,
You stand in the heavens like the sun and the moon,
Your wonders are known both above and below,
To the greatness of the holy priestess of heaven,
To you, Inanna, I sing!”
This is a text of the servant of the Gods…