Teachings of Pain – Hatred, Disgust, and Self-Loathing

“Perfect Beauty Casting the World into Darkness”

“The Necronomicon is a work of Shamanism, a work of sorcery. It is evil if we believe that our negative emotions are evil. It comes from deep within a well of suspicion and disgust, and these emotions — anger, rage, hatred — are what we use to survive the forces of nature and the unwanted violent attentions of our fellow human beings.”                  (Dead Names by Simon, page 313)

Our Dear Simon couldn’t have been more right about this, for the “evil” emotions are exactly what keeps us going in times of great distress. It are primal survival mechanisms which fill us with dark power in order to give stability to one’s distraught being. It are negative emotions, yet they can make us feel like gods, dark powerful gods. It is not a pleasant feeling, but it is mandatory for becoming grounded firmly to reality once more. It are emotions of purification, even though they are feelings of darkness. They serve to cleanse one’s being of various emotive states that are counterproductive to the one afflicted, pleasurable though they might be, for as most of us know that many forms of pleasure are not what they appear to be, as they are often forms of suffering instead. This twisted perception of the concept of pleasure is shared by many human beings, especially by those who are still “asleep”. It takes great self exploration and realization for a person to come to grips with this unwanted illusion. Most are blind to these truths, but those who venture on the Path of Life will be painfully aware of this twist in perception. This awareness can cause quite a shock to the magician, for he becomes aware of his own shackels that bind him with illusions and misguided desires. He sees how this affects the world and mankind in general, for it becomes clear that many people are under the spell of this twisted perception. They love to suffer, mistaking the feeling for pleasure. They long for its razor sharp caress, basking in the feeling they call pleasure, yet being torn apart by its gutwrenching touch.

As we inhabit human bodies we are no exception in these matters, for this war rages in all of us. Yet we are able to do something about it, for our awareness allows us so. We not only know how to bend the negative to the positive, but we are also able to do it the other way round, turning the incorrectly perceived positive into a firmly grounding negative, thus drawing on a deep well of hatred and disgust in order to accomplish this.

“The Dark Force That Scours Weakness From The Human Mind”

At a very young age I learned that the negative emotions, like anger, hatred, rage, are very powerful forces that can be either used as the negative forces they are, but can also be used for positive means. As I explained earlier I was under the spell of a powerful illusion which tainted my rational thought and caused great turmoil in my being. This caused great weakness and pain in me, as I was overwhelmed with an unquenchable desire for a forbidden fruit. I wanted to taste it so bad. I longed for its sweetness with a passionate desire. It burned in my loins, and in my entire being. I cannot remember the last time I longed for something so badly. It consumed me with a fiery hunger for the flesh of this incarnate desire. The spiritual magnificence of this embodied desire had a profound effect on me, for in its eyes I recognized the spark of the divine. But when I beheld the face of this manifested desire I cried. I broke into tears of joy, for this desire wore the face of the great Queen of Heaven and Earth, the great Inanna, Goddess of Love and Passion, the great Irninni, the Most Perfect Lady, Ishtar, the Warrior Goddess. This desire perfectly resembled its resplendent spiritual inside in its outward form, for its magnificence is unequalled. It seemed that the very love and devotion for my goddess, the great Bright Rising, Daughter of the Moon, the Most Exalted Lady, who is great in the Heavens, and great on the Earth, had manifested a deep desire which had lurked within the depths of my ancient spirit. For it seemed that she had blessed me by bestowing on me my most precious need. It made me feel ecstatic, for this occurence showed all the signs of the goddess’ favor, and an oracular revelation from a dedicated servant of the DinGir seemed to confirm my thoughts.

There was a problem, however, for this desire, though manifested, was out of reach. This pained me greatly, for the longing in my soul burned as hot as the Fires of Hell. By interacting with this very desire I stared into the Abyss, and the Abyss stared back at me, gazing deep into my very soul, slowly taking hold of me with talons made of blackness and despair.

The dragon of Despair
“Entity of the Abyss”

My interaction with this desire casted a great spell of illusion on me, and in my mind my desire took on faces it did not possess. I was blinded to the truth, yet it is human nature to actively pursue the very thing you want so bad, as there is always this little glimmer of hope that things will work out the way you picture them. For it was said by a wise person to: “Never say never“.
Therefore I wonder to myself what these words actually mean, and how complicated its meaning, for if there is this slightest chance that the desire can be realized how can one abandon hope?

The answer to this must lie in the question if this desire is sentient and has its own thoughts and desires. For if it does it may not want to comply to your wishes or needs. When this happens one is greatly impacted by thoughts of confusion and despair. One feels great mourning and loss, shame and disgust. One mourns for the self, for the wishes are not granted and the illusion is shattered. One experiences loss, as the shackels of the illusion are cast off one begins to realize that what could have been, or should have been, will never be. The shame is caused by the feelings of being stupid for having been so caught up in this illusion, as one cannot comprehend why this happened. One just cannot see how the signs could have been misread. It is greatly confusing, and one is filled with disgust when this confusion has passed. One is disgusted with the self for having laid bare one’s very soul to a desire that held nothing but empty promises and broken dreams. One loathes the self for having been so weak and so blind, and the feelings caused by the warm glow of the loving touch of Inanna are slowly replaced by much darker emotions. Negativly charged powerful feelings which come from deep within the darkest pits of the soul. They are the reaction of the primal mind which unconsciously activates as an answer to the sickness of the spirit, caused by the illusion of pleasure that made one suffer these pains of the soul. All the hatred, rage, disgust, and self-loathing are sickening emotions to experience, yet they serve a beneficial purpose, that of healing the spirit.

They are only evil if we believe they are evil.

Dumu Abzu-a.


11 replies »

  1. Bro, have you ever seen the Tim Robbin’s film “Jacob’s Ladder”? Its about this very same process — you may enjoy it. Metatron taught me that God sends us only angels, but that our own division causes us to disregard a third of the heavenly host just because they lie below the horizon, within and without. The demons serve us, and we all grow in the process. Nonetheless, hatred and despair are terrible burdens to bear — I know this from experience. I pray that soon you discover how to transmute your negativity and find an easier way. I do not believe that Hell is somewhere people are sent after they die, but rather that “the Bottomless Pit” is the Abyss that we strive to escape from within this very life we now live.


  2. Dear Brother, unfortunately I have not seen the movie you mention, but I will keep an eye out for it. It are heavy burdens Brother, and it seems that most of us have gone through these sufferings at some point in their lives. You put your view of Hell into perfect words, and it is an opinion I share with you. The whole process I am going through at the moment is indeed quite rough, but it seems necessary, for I have become a little less blinded to the truth. Thanks for your support Brother! I’ll keep my eyes peeled for that movie!

    Stay blessed!


  3. Will do. Don’t give in to hate, man. Whatever benefits it brings through indulgence are far outweighed by the painful damage it does to the human spirit, both in ourselves and others. You may feel weak, but that is only because you now have a new understanding and perception of your own limitations. You are not weak, you are strong: it takes guts to look in the mirror and really see yourself without any exaggerations, overlays, fantasy roles, or condemnation. Do NOT judge yourself — you are free to find or create whatever meaning you want from your own experiences, so ascribe meanings that empower you and others, not ones that bring you down. Pride itself is Lucifer Samael, the real devil that we worship and debase ourselves before whenever we refuse to see ourselves as identic with the rest of humankind. Be compassionate to yourself, and if you cannot do that in your estimation, then at least be merciful, because the Lord/Lady of the 3 Negative veils does not want us to remain stuck in the vicious cycles of mind disconnected from the Universe. Surrender yourself through prayer and meditation to the most Ancient of the Ancient powers — the Power that transcends all description, analysis, and classification. You will find that you yourself ARE Life, experiencing what is perfect for you in the here and now.


  4. You give sage advice Brother, and I will take it to heart. As a matter of fact I have received some new insights tonight which greatly lessened the negative emotions that were boiling just below the surface of my being. As things are becoming more clear I am able to perceive a multitude of possibilities which do indeed take shape in the here and now. Only the moment matters, for it is from this moment that all future possibilities can be shaped into reality. It takes work, but when the veils of deception are lifted, and one is able to perceive the true goal with renewed focus and clear vision and understanding one sees that all that is to become is shaped in the very moment of present existence.


  5. I thought the article was brilliant i believe the we must understand that hatred and other emotions are children of love and you must love heal her children negative understood creates just energy that can be wielded to do what needs to be done and that is mostly to be at peace or create peace


  6. The people in your life should look forward to experiencing you both in the present and in future, as you’ve gained a whole lot during this process, which I also believe you will forward to others in your communication with the ones who crosses your life-path. I feel honored to be one of them. Now go and sing out your inner song as only you can, and we’ll join with ours! 😀


  7. Thank you so much for these kind words Sister Whelliston. You make me blush. I too feel very honored, by your support, but also by the care and support from the other Brothers and Sisters.

    Stay blessed!


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