Can a private corporation really tell the F.B.I. what to investigate because it's Facebook page lost a lot of likes? Absolutely! (illustration by John Holcroft)

The idea of a chip inserted into your brain was an old conspiracy theory that became too popular before its time. So we’ll implement Plan B by creating social networks, wherein people willingly volunteer their daily habits, public interests, family pictures, political views, sexual preferences, and anything else that makes a person look good in the bi-polar age of “that’s too much information.” We’ll call it operation Facebook Internet because it has the same initials as the F.B.I. It’s so obvious that people won’t believe it, right? Well, CBS News recently reported that USA Today’s parent company reached out to the F.B.I. to investigate millions of fake Facebook accounts. The article states:

“USA Today’s parent company is asking the FBI to investigate an international spamming operation that was the target of a crackdown by Facebook in April, resulting in the removal of millions of fake users from the newspaper’s Facebook page.

Gannet Co., the nation’s largest newspaper publisher, reached out to federal authorities after Facebook deleted millions of fake and automated accounts that had “liked” the pages of major media outlets. USA Today saw the sharpest drop in likes to its page — 6 million users were wiped out in April, reducing the outlet’s total number of likes from 15.2 million to 9.5 million, according to Gannett executives who spoke to USA Today.”

First, I have to determine what’s more scarier, 200 million fake Facebook users or a major news outlet asking the F.B.I. to do them a favor because they have less “likes” on their Facebook page? Wait a minute! Since when did the F.B.I. start working for private companies? What happened to more important investigations like the Russian infiltration of the U.S. voting system, watching Angelina Jolie, and the possibilities of Bruce Willis opening up a how-to-adjust-your-hairline-company with investors like Rev. Al Sharpton? Damn! It looks like the American Dream now consists of making a lot of money and telling the F.B.I. what to do. I mean a few of us thought it was a little weird when former U.S. President Barack Obama deflected  the F.B.I.’s investigation of the Hillary Clinton Email Scandal.

Can a private corporation really tell the F.B.I. what to investigate because it’s Facebook page lost a lot of likes? Absolutely! (illustration by John Holcroft)

I’m not saying that the F.B.I. is no longer effective. Quite the contrary, it seems that they are able to unravel tons of information that the American public doesn’t have to fact check, but politicians easily ignore. Back in 2006, for example, the FBI submitted a detailed report about the threat of white nationalists and skinheads infiltrating police in order to disrupt investigations against fellow members and recruit other supremacists. In an era where videos of police brutality are more viral than Dave Chappelle’s latest joke, not a single politician has said anything substantial about the F.B.I. report in connection to current issues involving police brutality. At best, the American public has to accept that if “I had a son he would look like Trayvon Martin” Stepin Fetchit post-life routine.

Just a few days ago, George Papadopoulos, commonly known as the Mr. Snuffleupagus of the political world, publicly admits to lying in order to protect President Donald Trump and theories about his connection to Russia. Of course, politicians will remain silent, as it has with other F.B.I. investigations and reports. Why? Because the political world sees no threat in the F.B.I. stopping political crimes on any level, and definitely not for the greater good of the country.  Unfortunately, the ideas of an agency filled with diehards for justice no longer exists. Steadily, the F.B.I. is becoming what the I.R.S. became a long time ago, a force to keep people in check and a great alternative to BBC News.

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